Inspired

by the words and mind of Danielle Jasmine. Her note on Facebook really, believe it or not, changed my life. It opened my eyes and educated my soul and furthermore introduced new and different ideas to my views about people and about you.

"To those who are scared of "too much love", have enough self-confidence to know that even if you doubt it, someone out there sees enough goodness in you to believe you deserve that much goodness to happen to you. Do not push this away just because you feel you are not worthy. If someone offers you love, do not question it, do not make fun of it. Appreciate it. Someone thinks you are worth being loved."

"Oh & here, let me tell you something society refuses to admit. You are allowed to doubt. Yeah, I said it & I fully believe it. Doubting allows you to come up with the right answer. You are supposed to face some kind of crossroad before you chose which direction you want to go through. Doubt all you want, but keep going when you doubt. Keep loving, keep showing it. The VERY moment you stop is when you lose it all."

"Also, when in love, flaws are not disgusting. Flaws become intriguing and unique. You do not make fun of flaws or get grossed out, you start to question how and why and appreciate how different it is from everyone else. You will feel like you have got something special in your hands & you will appreciate those flaws. Flaws become beauty because it is rare. Flaws become beauty just because of the mere fact that it is on you, the person that is being loved. Love is more than a walk on the beach and candle lit dinners. Love is a fucking weirdass, psychotic, powerful, hard, timely, desirable, tempting feeling. This is why society depicts people in love as idiots. Love breaks down all barriers and all socially accepted bullshit rules of what is "okay to do" and what is "not okay.""

Can I tell you the truth? I didn't tell you everything. That feeling, the vibe you got from me yesterday I hoped you never would have felt. At least, I hoped and prayed you wouldn't catch on. But you did. Last night, the last hour of 2008 I was completely out of it. A part of it, I knew exactly where it was coming from, the other I had no clue. Up until after the countdown I honestly did not know where you stood in my life. Whether you were just another boy I would talk to and get to know then later fall out of feelings towards or a boy who would be able to expose me to a different side of people and possibly a different side of myself, one that would show me hope and give me a reason to not fear heartache and pain and all that that came with being in a relationship and letting my guard down. Honestly, I still don't know exactly. But what I can tell you is that I see which road I want to take. The last day of two thousand eight, I contemplated on the direction you and I were going. I struggled back and forth with the idea of us. Not even the idea of you and I being together but you and I just talking and me being unguarded and letting you in. I fought with myself to find any kind of sign that would just convince me you weren't worth it, any minuscule flaw that would give me a reason to leave. But I just couldn't. I can't. The way you make me feel is a feeling that I haven't felt in years. It's a feeling I tried so hard to ignore, a feeling I wouldn't allow myself to experience with anyone. You said to trust you and so I've let my guard down. I've allowed you to see the true me, the real me. I've allowed myself to let go. You're teaching me how to experience new things. You're teaching me how to be me and not be afraid of what other people may think. You've given me something to look forward to. You've given me a reason to hope. You've given me a reason to believe. Who knows where you and I are going. Quite frankly, that's the last thing on my mind. The most important thing you've taught me so far is to live, to live in the present and not worry about the future or resort back to the past. Whether we take it to the next step or not, no matter what you've made your mark in my life and I can't thank you enough. You're fun, different and definitely an asshole. And that's exactly what makes this experience with you so... exciting. You're a chance I want to take and a distraction I want to keep. [:

Happy New Year! Helllllllo 2009 ! We'll see how good I can handle.