Food for thought

It's as if a completely different feeling came over my entire being exposing my heart to the world allowing it to be tested for any sign of pain or hurt that was easily dismissed or not felt due to the tragic numbness it acquired throughout the years. Not only did this feeling expose my heart, but it also made way for my mind to wonder. Wondering off into the world I thought I understood, my mind begins to question its own purpose, it's own reason for living, leaving behind the confused and lost heart who longs to feel. Realizing how much the mind and body has grown within the past year brings to surface, what seems to be, a lack of growth of the heart and soul. Can you truly be happy, yet be unsure on how to love? Does love and happiness go hand-in-hand? As far away as the mind may travel, it cannot fully separate itself from the heart. Because somehow, someway, the two will always be connected. But which do you listen to? As it wonders off into the distant sky, the heart is left to feel nothing but lost. Exposed and unaware of its surroundings, the heart continues to move aimlessly with the hope that it may someday find that feeling of love and gain back that strength that earlier weakened its ability to produce a strong enough foundation to withhold the upcoming challenges it has yet to face.

I should be sleeping right now cause practice just ended and I have class at 915 but I can't help but have so many things on my mind. This afternoon was confusing. Had my random breakdown that seriously came out of no where. I hate when that happens.. it's the first of '09. Great. So basically...

I haven't felt that piercing pain since Nyl. That's amazing. I was hoping to never feel that way again but oh well. It's not your fault. It's no one's fault. You didn't cause it, no one did. This is something I have to deal with on my own. Without anyone's help. I'm a big girl now, you don't have to worry about me. I've gone through worse shit than this - it doesn't even compare let alone come close to. We'll see how later today goes. Off to bed - Goodnight world and Thank You.