The greatest love of all

starts with being able to love yourself fully. Once you're able to genuinely love yourself there is no limit to the love you will naturally give off to those around you DESPITE what you may be going through. This blog, I want to dedicate to one of the greatest most influential person I know. Not only do we share the same last name, but we share some of the same qualities and amusement. I never spoke about this to anyone, not even you, my own cousin who I feel so close to. I'm not sure if you're aware of the type of influence you have on me. I'm not sure if you realize that I've looked up to you since day one. That I've wanted to be just like you when I grew up. That every single word you've ever said to me I've taken to heart and listened to attentively. That' you're dreams became my dreams. That you're outgoing, knowledgeable mind has become a quality of yours I've always dreamt of acquiring. The way you helped bridge and mend the seven year gap between families is something I will never forget. I saw you as someone I could go to when times were rough. The only reason I dreamt of LMU and saw it as anywhere near possible to achieve was because of you.

I know these past few years have been the toughest to overcome. Even when I didn't know exactly what was going on, I knew you were in trouble. You reached out and I could see that you were asking yourself, "why me?" I don't know why it happened but I knew that from the moment I knew the entire story that you would be able to get through it, no matter what. I had no doubts. I believed in you. I believe in you. I can't imagine a single bit how much may be on your plate at the moment, but I know for a fact, that whatever it may be you can totally get through it. Kuya, don't give up on yourself. I know no one knows exactly what you've been through, but stop shutting the family out, stop shutting me out. I know I'm young, but I'm a lot wiser than you may think. I know it hurts you, but it hurts us too. Tressa's just lived her 2nd year of life and I don't want you to miss out on it even more. I told you that I'm here for you and that I could help you. Let me. Call me selfish but it feels like you've given up on me too. This happened to you for a reason, learn from it Kuya. Learn from it and move on towards forgiving yourself cause that's what I'm sensing... that you've asked yourself 'why me' for so long, you've put the blame on others, and now you've done the worse possible thing you could do; you've put the blame on yourself. Listen to me Kuya, it's NOT your fault! It's not your fucking fault. It happened for a reason. God wouldn't have put you through all this shit if he didn't think you could handle it. And honestly, right now.. you're NOT handling it. You're letting it eat you up and destroy what you have left. Don't let it. Don't let this situation get the better of you. You are stronger than this. You're a lot stronger than you may know right now. Instead of letting the situation walk all over you, embrace it. As hard as it is for you, you're strong Kuya. I believe in you still. There's only so much I can say but if you ever read this, I hope you understand you're ability to overcome this. Embrace it. Embrace what you have, embrace what you've learned and never let any of that go. There are too many people that hate to see you like this. And I speak for the entire family when I say that each and every one of us is here for you and loves you unconditionally. Don't be afraid to let us in. Don't think that you're a burden to our lives. Don't think that we aren't willing to help you. You haven't hit rock bottom yet, believe it or not. I've got you. And I'm not letting go. I love you Kuya Pat. More and more every day. And never think that there's a day when you aren't in my prayers. Keep your head up and stay strong.