A year and a half

It's been a year and a half since I've last cried. It's been a year and a half since I've last felt my heart drop. It's been a year and a half since I've ever felt this sad. It's been a year and a half since I've last felt pain. It's been a year and a half since I've ever felt anger.


...until today.

I can't believe it's happening again. My views on relationships will never be the same. And I say never with such confidence and passion. Once again, I've noticed myself mastering the art of Fronting. I thought I lost the skill because I was so happy with my life and the way things turned out, but today... was just another realization that I've mastered Frontin' with such skill that I do it subconsciously. Frontin used to be difficult for me 'cause I was so used to showing my feelings and how happy I was... or am? Now, there's no pain, no second thought. So numb, so amazed that once again... you've proven everyone right. And here I am - embarrassed. Embarrassed in front of everyone - all the people I've spoken to about you - expressing how confident I was that you were a different one - someone mature. It's like a slap in the face how disrespected I feel. You brought me back to that day; that day I never wanted to rekindle in my mind.. EVER. I believed in you. And now... you've proven to me that you're hopeless. I will never see you the same way and I fucking HATE saying that. I fucking HATE to say that I was wrong about you. I fucking HATE that you had to prove THEM right, and ME wrong. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!?! ARE YOU THAT FUCKING STUPID THAT YOU HAVE NO SELF RESPECT LET ALONE RESPECT FOR OTHERS?! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! I fucking HATE feeling angry. I fucking HATE feeling betrayed.

Congratulations.
You've managed to bring out the side of me I hoped would never show. Look at all my blogs. Not ONCE in this entire Chapter Two was I angry or showed this much disgust... until now. And it sucks cause I had to blog about it, KNOWING that there's fourteen people following this shit. But I had to cause I can't keep this shit inside of me.


So, good fucking job. I am so PROUD of you.
come to think of it... you would be the one person to bring out this side of me.