Single

So... it hit me. I am definitely holding onto nothing.

Lately, I've noticed that I subconsciously push people away once I get that vibe that things are becoming somewhat serious. I'm happy. But I hate how I do that, I hate how I feel like nothing is wrong with it, that I'm not hurting anyone. I hate how I'm blind to take my own advice. It's hard though. "Its just for the best" I guess. If it's going to be, then it will. Trying to refocus my attention shouldn't be too hard. Staying happy and not just content shouldn't take too much effort. I guess it's just one of those times where missing what used to be seems so much easier than accepting what isn't. Yet, in the end... it's so much more painful. You remind me that you're there for me and that you'll always be but honestly it doesn't seem that way. I can't go to you like I used to, it just doesn't feel the same way. It feels like I'm holding you back from her and the last thing I want to do is be in the middle or feel that way. I think one of the main reasons why I get sad sometimes is because no one knows me the way you do. And the one person does, isn't completely there. Like... there's this hesitation that gets in the way between you and I 'cause I feel that whatever I may be dealing with at the time doesn't even compare to what you might be going through whatever that is. Maybe I'm just trippin about this entire thing. Maybe I'm just thinking too much. Maybe this isn't even the new you. I don't know. BLAH. It's okay. I'll be okay without you. You and I are so much stronger now the way we are than we've ever been since. And that's a good thing.

There's one more thing I need to get off my chest. You know that saying, "If you can't love me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" I think, goes towards our situation... somewhat. I guess you can see what I did in two different lights. One being that I loved you, but it was hurting me too much and I was too weak to be able to deal with you at your worst and now... I made what I want into what I need once again by confessing to you what's been on my mind for so long. And two being that I loved you that much to let you go. That - by letting you go taught you how to fend for yourself so that you can grow strong enough to pick yourself up on your own. Selfish? Possibly. But regardless of any of the outcomes and consequences that came along with the decision to leave, I will always miss you and love you with every bit of my heart. Forever21. 416.

Random thoughts of direction. pt 2

I'm hurting. I don't know what to do. I miss you. Holding onto nothing. I know you love her. Distractions. Falling back. Try to keep busy. Concentrate on school. Focus your attention on something else. Dance it off. Stress reliever. No one's here. No one knows. Everyone's back home. I miss my family. Fronting. Get on it. Forget it. Look straight. "The fear of pain is worse than the pain itself." Give it your all. No regrets. No "what ifs..." Paint the town red. Stand your own ground. Stand strong. Pray.